7 Arguments Against a New Cat: Kitty the Poo

Reason Two: The Litter Box.

Call it whatever you want. Add crazy gizmos – rakes, combs, sieves, lights, lasers – it is still a box, full of dirt, that the cat poops in. Granted, the laser would make it an awesome box full of dirt that the cat poops in, but in this case all awesomeness would be completely overshadowed by, you know, the cat poop. What’s that you say? You don’t use “litter”? You use pine shavings or shredded newspaper ? Congratulations. You have a box full of something other than dirt that the cat poops in. No amount of lasers will change that.

And no, you can’t talk me into one of those fancy boxes that watches the cat poop (creeeepy!) and then sifts out the fresh nuggets and stores them. Yes, it stores the cat poop in cat poop Tupperware until some time in the future when you can have the privilege of handling it in aged bulk. When I flush my toilet it doesn’t drain the water off of the solids and then store them in a container next to the bowl. That would be disgusting, and when it’s a litter box it’s disgusting raised to the cat poop degree.

Even if you could solve the cat poop problem, you’re still left with the cat pee problem. I’m not even going to get into the cat pee.

What we would need is a cat that doesn’t poop. I see no other solution. FACT: we have the technology to modify one species by inserting genes from another species. FACT: Corn does not poop. SOLUTION: Insert corn genes into cats to create a non pooping corn-cat.

My logic is infallible. Your argument is invalid.

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