The Bearenstain Bears have been up to quite a bit of non-bear related activities. They’ve dabbled in theology:
The cubs learned about larceny:
Child Protective Services made a guest appearance in this one:
Mama Bear stepped over the line of Child Labor laws:
And then there was that time that Papa Bear had race issues with the Asian neighbors but played it off as a property line dispute:
These are not things that bears normally get up to. It’s almost like they’re trying to hide something; like they’re trying to candy-coat their true selves. I for one think that it’s time for full disclosure. I’d like to start seeing some new titles that tell the real story of the Bearenstain Bears. For example:
The Bearenstain Bears Maul a Lost Day-hiker
The Bearenstain Bears Break Into a Ford Escape Because They Smelled Peanut Butter
The Bearenstain Bears Slap a Bunch of Trout out of a Stream
The Bearenstain Bears Hibernate…. Aaaaand Not Much Else.
The Bearenstain Bears Can’t Really Talk but They Could Fit Your Entire Head in Their Mouths if They Wanted.