I realized this afternoon why Sara and I get so mad when the girls won’t go to sleep at night. It’s because we’ve already done this with them. We’re experiencing PTSD flashbacks to the first year of both of their lives when neither of us got to go to bed or wake up at the hour of our own choosing. They each spent a year borrowing sleepy time from us and now they’re in repayment, at unashamedly usurious rates. So when we pack them away to bed for the night and they get up five minutes later claiming a miraculously full bladder or the need to open a missing persons case on a stuffed animal, all I can think is: you’re still charging on this account?!? Are you… are you kidding me? Do you have any idea what this is costing you?
At the rate they’re going they’re never gonna pay of their balance of sleepy time before they move out. They’re gonna be in college and still owe me many hours of blissful sleep. Eventually the only way I’m going to be able to collect the sleepy time owed me is by garnishing a portion of their future sleepy time. I’m gonna have to get someone to call them at 3AM… “Are you asleep yet? You’re father wants you to know that he is.”