We have a new cake in our cafe.
It is the mother of all cakes. It is the Dark Chocolate Blackout Cake.
Just one slice of this cake contains 4 of the seven deadly sins and 98% of the US recommended daily allowance of coronary seizure. It is so dense that it attracts the cholesterol out of any food it’s placed near. It is like a slice of a collapsed chocolate neutron star, with nuts.
One by one, cities across America are banning trans fats. But trans fats are like heavy metals – they stay in the environment. So where do they go when they get banned? They go into this cake. Smelling this cake contains 70 calories. It will raise a diabetic’s blood sugar level at a distance of 6 feet.
When they say that the US consumes 30% of the world’s resources, one percent of that is because of the Dark Chocolate Blackout Cake.
I bought a slice of that cake. And I ate that slice. And it was delicious. It’s all I’ve been able to think about in the 36 hours I’ve been awake since eating it.