I Am Jack’s Complete Lack of Surprise.

The first rule of Harry Potter 7 is you don’t talk about Harry Potter 7.

The second rule of Harry Potter 7 is you DO NOT talk about Harry Potter 7.

The book comes out next week and my store, like all Barnes & Nobles, is having a Midnight Magic Party to celebrate. No, we’re not having a Harry Potter Party, we’re having a Midnight Magic Party so that on Saturday morning we don’t end up having a Copyright Infringement Party. Mmmmm…. Intellectual property theft-a-licious. Anyway, the party’s going to rock. We’ve got a talking sorting hat (courtesy of yours truly), tea reading, potions demonstrations, face painting, wand making, picture taking with a generic cardboard cutout-ing…. and of course, at 12:01, the sale of the seventh and last Harry Potter book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

So, how many do we plan to sell? Can’t say.

Have we received our copies yet? Uh, great weather we’ve been having…

How many people have reserved copies of the book? Yes, there are definitely people who have reserved copies of the book.

What does the cover look like? Rectangular, I suspect.

See Rule number one.

Security surrounding this book is a foaming kind of paranoia. I’m forbidden to comment on if, when, or how much of it I receive. Nobody with a camera or even a wireless phone is allowed within eyesight of the unopened boxes of books, which they aren’t even allowed to know the location of. If someone does happen to catch a glimpse of the book before it’s time, they are instructed to shoot anyone else in the immediate area and then gouge out their own eyes and run screaming. Just kidding. The screaming part isn’t required.

It will all be over soon. But not soon enough.

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