The customer is always….

During my excavation through my large compendium of old work, I finally found this piece, which I thought I’d lost. I wrote it, with the help of my wife, almost 10 years ago while we were both working in retail. I remember typing it out once and my wife took a copy of it into the Michael’s arts and crafts store she was working in at the time. They actually hung it up in the break room. Who knows? It may have been copied and sent on to destinations unknown since then. It could now be gracing the cork boards of other service industry break rooms, or possibly sprucing up the blog or website of some random downtrodden service industry employee. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t do a Google search for it just two minutes ago. Just because I didn’t find it, though, doesn’t mean it’s not out there.

Heh. It is now.

The Customer is Always….

  • in your way.
  • saying they saw it somewhere else for less.
  • asking you where it is, and….
  • standing right in front of it.
  • picking it up to look at it and then…
  • putting it back anyplace but where it belongs
  • demanding your undivided attention
  • insisting that their (brother, cousin, friend, mother) got it here just last week.
  • trying to return it without a receipt.
  • mumbling, slurring or generally incomprehensible.
  • asking you if you carry it, but don’t really know what it is.
  • confused.
  • breaking it, and wondering why they should then have to buy it.
  • eating it before they pay for it. Or…
  • eating it instead of paying for it.
  • expecting a miracle.
  • wanting your undivided attention.
  • leaving their I.D. in their vehicle.
  • rude.
  • loud.
  • arrogant.
  • aware of “what you’re trying to pull here”!
  • assuming that you know it all.
  • assuming that they know it all.
  • looking for the one thing you don’t have.
  • wondering why you carry that item, but not this item.
  • toting along a screaming child,
  • letting their screaming child run amok, and
  • failing to discipline their screaming, run-amoking child.
  • making a mess.
  • wanting another opinion.
  • complaining about something.
  • insisting that that “just doesn’t make any sense”.
  • trying to get away without paying for it.
  • trying to find a way to pay less for it.
  • opening things up.
  • wearing something hideous.
  • exhibiting criminal body odor.
  • looking right through you.
  • in a hurry.
  • poorly informed.
  • accusing you of something.
  • leaving a lousy tip.
  • not really listening.
  • putting you down to make themselves feel better.
  • compensating for something.
  • in a huff.
  • insisting they have no idea how that got in their (purse, coat, backpack, pants cuff, back pocket, plastic shopping bag full of other things that they have no idea how they got there).
  • wondering why you don’t do it this way instead.
  • waiting till the last minute.
  • impatient.
  • giving you “The Look”.
  • changing their mind.
  • demanding special treatment.
  • certain that the rules don’t apply to their situation.
  • coming “all the way from ________”.
  • not “liking your attitude”.
  • failing to read before they sign.
  • blaming someone.
  • asking if you have it in the back room.
  • just browsing /looking.
  • wanting to talk to your manager.
  • arguing over the price.
  • wanting cash for their gift return.
  • assuring you they saw it here just yesterday.
  • sure that someone else will clean that up.

But somehow, the customer is always right.


One response to “The customer is always….

  1. That…is awesome.

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