Daylight Savings Time: a Survival Guide.

Let me set the scene. You have completely forgotten about Daylight Savings Time. You’ve spent the entire day visiting with friends and family and not a single one of them have bothered to mention to you that you need to turn your clocks ahead before going to bed. You are very mad at them because you know that they’ve done this to you on purpose. But you don’t even know any of this yet since you’ve turned in early (spending the entire day visiting with friends and family really takes it out of you) and are happily not snoring away. Because you don’t snore. You don’t know what it is that keeps waking your wife up at night, but it’s certainly not your snoring. You don’t have many options at this point. You’re going to wake up at your regular time, though an hour behind the rest of the world, and your whole day is gonna be fucked. But there’s still a chance. Here’s what you have to do….

Make sure that you go to bed before your wife does. Get off the couch sometime around 9:20 and go in the bedroom when she can’t just leave the stupid TV on FOX instead of flipping over to something else during every commercial and then forgetting to flip back and you realize that you’ve already missed most of Family Guy. Make it obvious that you’re relocating to the bedroom out of exasperation, you don’t want her to think its business time. It’s not Wednesday. Once you’ve settled in, finish watching Family Guy and then fall asleep during that new show “The Winner”, because it’s horrible. Twitch yourself awake long enough to toss your glasses on the nightstand and click the light off.

At 2:30 AM, wake up to your wife coming into the room, telling you that you need to wake up. At this point your wife will franticly explain that it’s Daylight Savings Time and you forgot to set the clocks ahead, and that she’s going to turn the lights on so you should cover your eyes. Go shriekingly blind when she turns the lights on too soon. Curse your wife (to yourself. You’re mad, not stupid). Now you’re registering most of what’s happening. You comprehend Daylight Savings Time and remember that you’re about to be cheated out of a whole sweet hour of sleep. As you slap at the buttons on your clock, take some consolation in the fact that at least you went to bed earlier than usual, and that you fell asleep before watching too much of “The Winner”. As your wife is getting comfortable in bed and you’re quickly falling back to sleep, listen to the last of her saying something about how she heard about this on the news before she fell asleep on the couch, and that she’d just looked it up online when she woke up.

Get up at 5:30. Try not to think about how you’d rather be in bed, one hour more so than usual. Do your regular morning routine, and get out the door and on the road to work at the last possible minute. Suddenly remember that you need to stop for gas first and moan about how you’re going to be late for work now. Convince yourself that there will certainly be others who’ve forgotten about Daylight Savings entirely and compared to their impending lateness, your 5 late minutes will easily be forgotten.

While you’re driving to work, notice things like how dark it is and try to figure out if this means that it’ll be lighter or darker in the evenings when you’re boiling sap. Do the math many times in your head and then finally admit that coming to grips with a simple one hour sunlight differential has you completely baffled. Right about now it’ll be a few minutes to 7:00 and you’ll be on the Interstate, one exit away from work. Look quizzically out your front window. Double-check your rear view mirror. Then, (and this is the most important part), at the exact same time that you realize you can only count 3 other cars on the road with you, hear the voice on the radio say, “This is NPR, National Public Radio. The time is six o’clock.”

After reality crashes home, accept that you have just lost an hour that you will never, ever get back.

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3 responses to “Daylight Savings Time: a Survival Guide.

  1. I never said that I looked it up online. And I thought you said we were even when I skipped class to come home and make you and the girls ribs. Hmm.

  2. Oh hey! Look at that thing over there! Shiiiiny…..

  3. OMG I hate daylight savings time!! I am moving to Arizona soon and will never have to deal with it again, thank god.

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