As promised: How to maybe not reduce the resale value of your home and save some money on heating oil

If you’re reading this and you don’t know why, go back and read this post first. You’ll still won’t know why you’re reading this, but my stats will get a boost. If you’re reading this because you own a tankless water heater and you want to learn how to save some money on your heating oil bill, stick around. If you’re reading this even though it’s 1950 and you thought you were sitting down to watch another episode of The Lone Ranger, you have discovered a wormhole. Please contact me immediately so that I can profit off this discovery.

First, do not attempt this. I have no idea what I’m doing. I am not a licensed electrician. I’m not even an unlicensed electrician. I once stuck a key into a wall outlet when I was a kid. I did POT with Walter Gehring my Junior year of high school. (What? P.O.T. Principles of Technology. Physics Lite. Geesh.) I did fix this sewing machine, but that could just as easily have ended in a situation that involved the words fallout and escape route.

Still here? Yikes. Right then, before you do anything around a live electrical fixture it’s important to remember to not do anything around a live electrical fixture!!! What were you thinking? Remember that time you put you tongue on a 9-volt battery? This is 100 times more like death. So, go to your breaker or fuse box (I have a fuse box. I know. It’s like having a camera with one-use flash bulbs. “What do you mean I can’t use this more than once?!?” (For those of you too young to know what I’m talking about, cameras didn’t always have built in flashes. And phones didn’t have cameras because they were attached to the wall with a cord. And people never used to take full length body shots of themselves by holding their camera at arm’s length over their head. God I hate MySpace.) ) and shut off the breaker or fuse for the circuit you’re working on. Then shut off all the other circuits. Then call a licensed electrician and have him do the same thing. Then have any available politician make a statement that they approve of this action. Then wait 3 days. Then call your brother and have him do the next part for you. It is now safe to work.

Next time: The parts and tools you’ll need. Heh heh. I said tool.