All I want for Christmas is an American Craftsman 8500 Double Hung 30 x 54 White 7/8 In. LoE² Insulated Glass Window With Screen

That’s right.

I want to replace all the windows on this house. Because the ones we have are killing us. They leak heat like a cheap diaper. No, bad analogy. Both my kids were reared in Wal-Mart brand cheap diapers and they are both developmentally stable mentally well adjusted despite being deprived of an Absorb Away Liner®, LeakLock® and Bear Hug Stretch™ premium elastic sides. And while I’m talking about it… why would anyone need a diaper with a core that turns blue when it gets wet? What kind of value-added benefit is that, really? Are you just slow to catch on? Would you not already guess that the diaper is urine laden by a) the smell b) the four fold increase in diaper volume or c) the wife telling you to change the baby? In what scenario would you otherwise be voluntarily disassembling the diaper apparatus and “Nope, I didn’t leave my keys here either and HEY! Blue! The baby wet herself!” Blue. Pffffttt. How about BlueTooth? Now there’s something useful. If the baby’s poo sling sent an email to my Blackberry updating me on it’s moment to moment status… that’s a diaper I’d pay unnecessary amounts of money for. I can see it now. <Solid weight added. Immediate action required.> or <It’s damp, but we’ve got room for more. Let it ride. Let it ride.>

So, wrapping up, get me Home Depot gift cards.